Not Taking Criticism Personally

Criticism is everywhere, and sometimes? People are mean. 

Also, sometimes, the people who give the criticism mean no harm... but alas... it still affects us. 

____________ 

What are the differences between each comment? 

There are three types of critiquing people on the internet, there are haters, trolls, and then critics. 

Critics will state good and bad things about your work and then tell you have to fix them. They want you to grow and become a better writer (even if you already are, there's always room to grow). 

Haters say hurtful things just to make themselves feel better... or just because. It's similar to bullying. They tend to state small little things about how your work sucks and inflate it to make it seem like a bigger problem than it already is. 

Trolls target people specifically to get a rise out of them. They find it hilarious when they insult someone and then that person comments back, and then fire back with more insults to make the person as angry or hurt as possible. Do not respond to trolls. That's what they want. 

___________ 

Now here's the larger question. 

How can I not take criticism personally? 

Look at the source: 

Who is this comment coming from? Who is the person stating this comment? Should we trust the source? 

Sometimes, people will comment hateful and/or criticizing things when they—themselves—do not know the actual answer. 

Just think this... if you had a medical issue, would you believe your sixteen-year-old brother on what it is or an actual doctor? 

Think about processing the hurt differently: 

It hurts when someone comments on your works about plot holes and/or credibility issues within your work. 

Remember that they are critiquing on your work not you as a person.  

You are human and you make mistakes! You just wrote the entire thing! There is bound to be mistakes. 

Don't get defensive: 

Listen to the person's points and/or comments and assess them without getting defensive. Sometimes, it's better to process what they are saying without getting angry, because they could be right or wrong and you need to think this over first. 

Mistakes are commonly made: 

Many times when your book is edited before release, editors will shoot back things that are wrong with your book. Or—perhaps—you have your book released and the reviews say there's a couple spelling and/or grammar mistakes. 

Keep in mind that you wrote an entire story, and there are going to be mistakes. 

Before publishing, you can read it over a hundred times, have a thousand editors read it a hundred times... there are still going to be mistakes. It's inevitable. 

Assess the criticism directly: 

Earlier I explained the different between haters, trolls, and critics, but now I will say the different between constructive criticism, complaining, and just plain criticism. 

Constructive Criticism is what you want. It is the commenter's intent to provide feedback stating what you could improve on, how you can improve, and also stating good things about your work, as well. 

Criticism in of itself that is not constructive usually entails things that are wrong about your work and (sometimes), how they should be changed. 

Complaining is what I call it... usually is when someone edits your work and just states things like "this is not good" or "this is not okay". They just insult your work, thinking they are criticizing, but in reality... they're just hurting you. 

My suggestion is to take plain criticism and also complaining and trust them to a minimum. 

Analyze the criticism: 

Humans have a common instinct to be defensive (especially when it comes to criticism), so when you get constructive feedback, it is best to set your device down and give yourself time for your emotions to bleed back in place. Think it over, and then respond. 

Remember the positive: 

When you receive feedback on your works, it is the best way to remind yourself of the people who have commented positive things rather than just the criticism. It is very easy to bury yourself in the negative because they seem more prominent. So just remind yourself of the positive. 

Learn from the good ones: 

Once you assess the feedback, it is very good to grow from it and add your learnings to your new works. 

Remember that your old works are already out there, and that there's no need to fret about them being wrong, just apply to your new works and everything will be fine. 

And the last thing: 

Remember that when people critique your work, it is just on the work itself, not on your writing ability.